Zachary Goode vs Feminine Products
by SpaceNut
Summary: Cammie isn't feeling well, so Zach offers to go to the store for her, but he isn't exactly comfortable with the task at hand. "I-I'm not girl. Thank you for noticing that." Nothing gross, just cute. :


**Well Hello! I'm currently in the middle of writing a chapter story about Zach and Cammie (The Standstill, in case you're interested), but I decided to take a quick detour and write this little one-shot. There's nothing gross or anything like that, just some cute moments of a very awkward Zach. Because c'mon, awkward Zach is like **_**the best**_**. Anyways, let me know what you think. Hopefully his personality doesn't seem to off.**

**Disclaimer: Ally Carter owns all the rights and what not. **

**Zach's Pov**

Cammie's sick, and I don't like it. I've bedridden her until I decide it's safe again. She isn't particularly happy with my orders.

"Zach," She groaned, lying against the pillows I'd stacked behind her back. "Can I at least go to Wal-Mart to pick up something? I mean seriously, it's just a cold."

I popped my head around our bedroom door. "No."

"I just have to get one thing." She held up her index finger.

"It can wait until you're better." I told her. Her nose was pink from all the tissues she'd used earlier. I have to admit, it was kind of cute.

"Not it cannot wait. Would you stop fussing over me? I'll only be gone for like ten minutes anyways." She started to lift the pile of blankets I'd heaped on top of her, but I was already kneeling at her side.

"I will not stop _fussing_ over you." I pulled the blankets back down around her and kissed her cold forehead. "But if you need something so badly, I'll go get it. What's so important?"

She stared up at me, her eyes narrowing. "You _really _want to go?"

"Of course. What do you need?"

"Are you sure Zach?"

"Yes Cammie, I'm completely, positively, absolutely, one hundred percent sure." I said in a confident voice. "It's just Wal-Mart. I've completed more challenging missions, I assure you."

"Fine." She rested back into her pillow fortress. "Go get me some pads."

"What? What kind of pads? Elbow pads, knee pads, shoulder pads…" I started rattling off all the options I could think of. She was being extremely vague.

"Zach," She let out an uncharacteristic giggle. "_Women_ pads."

"Oh."

**Cammie's Pov**

I would've killed to have had a camera. The look on Zach's face was beyond priceless. Seriously, I think it would make a lovely screensaver.

Well, this is my chance. I tried to lift the blankets again, but I was too late. Zach had already 'recovered'.

"You're not going anywhere." He wrapped his fingers around my wrist and placed it underneath the bedding. I sighed. "I'll be right back with your, uhm… stuff." He placed his hand on my forehead like he'd done fifty times already in the last couple hours. "You're still too cold. I'll try to get you some soup while I'm out. Just stay in bed and," he eyed me sternly, "don't move. Okay?"

"Don't move? What if I have to go to the bathroom?"

"You can hold it. I believe in you." He bent down to kiss me but I dodged his lips.

"If I'm as sick as you seem to think, you probably shouldn't kiss me. I wouldn't want to give you my germs."

"Oh c'mon Cam. It's enough torture to see you feeling so under the weather. Please don't add to the pain and take away one of my greatest joys in life." I rolled my eyes at him. He was very skilled at being a drama queen. Or in his case, a drama king.

"I think you'll live."

"I wouldn't be so sure." He smiled down at me.

"Get out of here Blackthorne Boy." I ordered.

"Fine, fine," He stood up and walked to the door. "I won't be gone long. Be careful. Don't try to-"

"Zach! I promise I'll still be alive when you get back. Okay? I'm alright, just go."

He looked at me uncertainly from the threshold. "Call my cellphone if you need me."

"I'll be fine Zach."

"Alright," He grumbled. "Love you Cam."

"I love you too." He shut the door quietly behind him and I sighed. Gosh, he was adorable.

I felt kind of guilty for booting him out of our bedroom. But I'd learned from experience, Zachary Goode had a tendency to be overly-protective. (like, to the point that _I_ became a little scared) I could only hope his little errand would make him uncomfortable enough that he might get distracted from worrying about me. Yes, life is hard.

Zach's Pov (at the store)

I am a spy. More importantly, I'm a _male_ spy. I'm trained to sneak into a terrorist headquarters and obliterate every living thing inside. I'm trained to kill a man with a credit card while _blindfolded_. I am _most definitely not_ trained to buy FEMININE PRODUCTS.

I was starting to wonder why I'd agreed to this. It would have been about ten times easier to have just brought Cam along. This was not a man's place. Seriously, I was getting crazy looks from almost every person that happened to walk by.

There must have been a hundred different options. I stared at the back wall, which shelved every color box ranging from yellow to black. It was intimidating. Two teenaged girls walked past me and grabbed a pink box. Once they thought they were out of ear-shot, they burst into a fit of giggles. I bent my head down in shame, hoping the store would simultaneously empty so the public humiliation could end.

I fingered a relatively small green plastic package. It had a picture of a cartoon lady smiling. Well it was working for the non-existent woman, it couldn't be that bad. I dropped it in the blue basket I'd picked up at the front entrance and started to walk towards the registers, praying to God that I didn't see anyone I knew.

A very… homely woman (Cammie says calling people ugly is rude. Right, because a spy's top priority is to have good manners.) placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Sweetie, do me a favor and put that back on the shelf." The woman wore a blue apron with her nametag pinned to the front. It read 'Sherry'.

I groaned and gave into my instinct to lash out. "Look lady, I 'm just a guy trying to do a favor for his sick-"

Sherry cut me off with a laugh. "No, no. That's not what I meant dear." She reached into the basket and took out the package, placing it back onto the shelf. "You don't want those. They suck." She said blatantly.

"Oh, uhm… thank you. I guess." This is just awkward. _So very awkward_.

She smiled at me. "No problem." She pointed to the gold band on my left ring finger. "I take it you're picking something up for your wife?"

"Yes." I nodded gratefully. "I- I'm not a girl. Thank you for noticing that." Then I added under my breath, "some people can't seem to."

"It's okay dear. We get a few good men like you in here every once in a while. I'm guessing you need some help." Did I mention that Sherry _rocks_?

"If you don't mind. This isn't exactly my department." Now if Cammie needed a new Swiss Army knife, I'd be the guy to ask. But of course, that wasn't the case. I'm shopping for feminine products instead.

"Well let's hope not." She surveyed the products and turned back to me. "Did your wife happen to tell you if I was a light or heavy flow?"

I gulped back the bile in my mouth. This _needs_ to end. "Uhm, is there a medium flow?"

She laughed again. "You've never done this before have you sweetie?"

I shook my head. "No ma'am."

"I see." She tapped her chin with a chubby index finger. "I think this your best bet." She picked up a blue box that read 'Always' and handed it to me.

"Okay, sure." Why couldn't she have just put it in the basket? Why did I have to touch it?

She smiled at me. "Oh you kids these days. It's adorable." Yeah, adorable…

She started to walk away, but I called after her. "Wait! What does it mean by wings? Is that good or bad?"

"It's fine dear!" She called over her shoulder.

"Okay." I dropped the box into my basket. "That's great. That's just… wonderful."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TIME SKIP ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cammie was exactly where I left here. Good, she'd followed protocol.

"Hey there Gallagher Girl. How ya feeling?" I sat down next to her on the bed and brushed some hair away from her eyes.

She smiled, "the same. But I think the real question is how are _you_ feeling?"

Terrible. Grossed out. Disturbed. "Fine." I handed her 'that which will not be named'.

She laughed. "I'm so proud of you."

"Does that mean I get a kiss?" I better get _something_ out of this. I love Cam, but that… that was just _wrong_.

"I suppose you've earned one. Just don't blame me if you're the one cooped up in this room tomorrow."

She _supposes_? Oh no. No, no, no. I've earned _way_ more than a kiss. "I'll take it." I placed a hand behind her neck and pulled her lips up to mine.

Okay, perhaps it was worth it… yes, yes it was _definitely _worth it.

"So it wasn't that bad?" She asked once we'd pulled away.

"Of course not," I lied. "I'm a spy Cammie, I think I can handle some paper in a cardboard box."

"Then you wouldn't mind getting me some tampons, would you babe?" Oh gosh, she did _not_ just say that.

"I'll get right on it. Feel better Cammie." And to think I got her soup…

**Hehe… Okay so that was just a random little story that I thought would be funny. Hopefully, no one thought it was creepy. Anyways, I guess this was inspired by my old science teacher who became extremely uncomfortable whenever he heard something pertaining to 'menstrual cycles'. It was quite funny… especially since he was in the air force. Okay well leave a review if you please, because I'd love to hear from you. God bless! **

**~SpaceNut**


End file.
